Okay, this is going to be gross. I'm just warning you. . .
The other night I was getting ready for bed and I noticed two small bumps on the side of my calf that hadn't been there before. My nightstand lamp was the only light on, so I couldn't really see what they were. At first, they looked like two mosquito bites, but then I touched them and they were squishy. Ew! Being a fidgety person, I picked at them and discovered that they were puss pockets. What did I do? Pop them, of course!
Seriously. I'm like a 5-year-old when it comes to things like that. I can't leave it alone.
And now you know WAY too much about me. :)
Anyway, I went to the sink, washed them and then went back to the bedroom. My leg looked like it had a vampire bite on it. There were two red dots about fang-width apart. haha! Good thing I'm not into the "Twilight" books. I probably would have freaked myself out. But I did start wondering what the heck they were.
Were they spider bites? No. There were no bite marks.
Were they zits? Um, no. Duh.
Cancer! It had to be skin cancer. What was I going to do? My Mighty Man was out of town. Of all the times for me to get skin cancer, I had to do it when my husband was traveling.
What do you do when you discover you've got a fatal disease at 11:30 at night? Should I go to the ER? Should I call my mom? Maybe I should make funeral arrangements. Do I have life insurance? Will my family know I love them? But I didn't get to eat peanut butter pancakes one more time! I will tomorrow. In fact, I'll eat them every day until I die in four to six weeks.
Men, you may think that's a little irrational, but we women can have some crazy thought spirals like that. Oh yeah. Just try stepping inside our minds for a minute. It's exhausting.
After my little panic, I literally shook my head and paused for a second. Breathe, sister. Okay. . . Think.
So, okay. What if it was cancer? Chances were that it wasn't, but it could be. I'd never had red spots on my legs before, and cancer is so rampant that it seems like everyone has to face it sometime. What if my time was now?
Have you ever had those moments when you wonder what you'd do if you knew you only had a few days to live? That's what I did. The first question I thought of was what I'd do if I only had two days left. First, I would eat a huge breakfast of peanut butter pancakes with my hubby. Easy choice. Second, I would ask him to take me back home so I could be with my family.
Okay, two puss pockets probably meant I had at least a month or two, or maybe three, to live. What would I do if I had three months to live? First, I'd eat peanut butter pancakes every morning with my hubby. Easy. But I'd probably keep working at Starbucks. I'd use my time to tell everyone who came in how awesome they were and how they shouldn't take life so seriously. That they should be happy every day just as they are and not care so much what other people think or what the world expects. That they shouldn't waste time worrying--about ANYTHING. That this stop here on earth is only so long and that ETERNITY is waiting.
Of course they'd have to know Jesus to ENJOY eternity, and I'd communicate that the reason we don't have to worry is because of Him and His great love for us. I'd say that life doesn't have to be so dramatic and stressful if we know that it is only a pit stop on our way to forever with our King.
Okay, two puss pockets. I could probably hang in there for a year. What if I only had a year to live? What would I do then? Hmmm...Should I eat peanut butter pancakes every day? Maybe just once a week. (Um, no. Every day.)
What if I only had five years? Or 10? Or what if I only had 30 years or 40?
Um, Jill...You DO only have a certain number of years.
Puss pockets or none, I realized something: I'm going to eventually die and go on to LIFE for all time with Christ. I'm not here for all that long. Nobody is. We're really and truly only here for a really short time. We're all carrying around a funeral date that's GOING to arrive.
That was quite a revelation for bedtime, especially when all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers and read more about Laura Ingalls Wilder and her family's long winter. But it was reeeeeeeeally profound.
I don't know about you, but most days I am 100% focused on living for the here and now. How can I make it through this day? How can I arrive safely back at bedtime with the least amount of trouble? For me, this also includes, "How can I safely arrive back at bedtime without giving in to temptation with food or gaining any weight?" How sad. Is that really how I live my life?
Life really is temporary. We really are only here for a short time. Why on earth am I wasting that time living only for things that make a difference to me right here and right now? Oh, how backward!
Life here isn't what it's all about. There is a LOT more to come once we die. Or really start life. That's what it's going to be, isn't it? We're really going to START life when we leave here. Eternal life. For ALL time. With Christ. Why am I living with such weight placed on making this worldly time so safe and protected? It doesn't matter! At least not in the way I think it does.
I told a friend the other day that when Jesus said, "Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes," He must have been talking directly to women.
Okay, moment of reality here. Gut-level reality. I live and die by my body--by food and clothes. Being thin is how I prove my worth and value to the world, and it is based on what I eat or don't eat and the size of my clothes. Oh, Jesus! How sad! You, Lord, even said to us that life was more than these two things specifically.
REAL life has nothing to do with earthly things like food and clothes. REAL life starts when we die here and enter into His presence in Heaven. The only thing this earth is for is making the choice to know and believe God and His Son. The ONLY thing we are here for is to make the choice to follow Him and to lead others into His presence so they too can experience eternal LIFE! REAL LIFE! We do that by expressing His love to others and making our loving, caring, almighty, forgiving, sovereign Lord come alive through us. That's what earth is for. Accepting Him as our Lord and letting others know how much He loves them, cares for them and that He died for them. He loves them so much that He gave up His life for them so that they could spend REAL life--forever life--with Him.
Two puss pockets. They're still there. Well, not the pockets, but the sores. My sis said she didn't think it was cancer and since she's a genius I believe her. But they still had a pretty big impact on my earthly life and my forever life. I like that phrase. I want to live with forever life in mind. I want to enjoy my stay here and not worry so much about food and clothes and things that make absolutely NO difference in my eternity or the eternity of others. Who cares?? Seriously! We're all going to die anyway, and sooner than we think! We only have a few moments here and then we're off to begin the good part. I'm SO tired of being consumed with ridiculousness. Time to live like I'm dying (thanks, Tim McGraw), or live like I'm actually living. haha! I like that better.