Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Carrie Fisher is Beautiful and so am I

It just makes me angry. How can you possibly say things like that?! In what world is it okay for people to just start shaming people for GETTING OLDER??

In case you missed it, read this:

Okay, so Princess Leia isn’t 25 years old anymore. She has gray hair and hips. Um…So do all women who get to be that age unless they dye their hair (I’m not hating; I’m sure I will). That. Is. Life. “Carrie Fisher hasn’t aged well.” “Age hit Carrie Fisher in the face.” Um…Yeah. And it will you, too, you little punk!

What is wrong with the world? In what realm is it okay for people to just say things like that because they don’t look like they did when they were a kid? I’m angry.

But it’s more than that. It’s not so much that people say these things because, well, people are jerks a lot of the time. It’s the fact that it’s okay to judge women based on their age and appearance. It makes me so sick. Am I nothing more than my size? Is that my worth?

Driving home from our family’s Christmas celebration last week, my husband could see that something was bothering me and asked me if I was okay. It’s amazing how well this man knows me after just three years of marriage. But he was definitely right. My weight was on my mind, like it is and has been so often all of my life. I’d eaten a TON for two days straight and was freaking out about the scale going up and how I’d ever be able to get the weight off.

Backstory: For those of you who don’t know, I was in a heated battle with anorexia when Matt and I got married, and even though I’ve recovered SO much, it’s still something that threatens my peace on a daily basis if I let it.

Without me even having to say a word, Matt followed up his first question with, “Are you worried about how much you ate?”

“Yes,” I said, and went on to basically recap the past two days’ worth of meals so that I could affirm my argument that I had, indeed, overeaten and that I was perfectly justified in freaking out. Because, in all likelihood, I would gain 10 pounds and begin a slow, steady spiral into morbid obesity.

“Why does it matter so much if you gain weight?” he asked, already knowing my answer after three years of the same question. (I’m onto him by now. He’s got a master’s degree in counseling, so he knows that by asking me these questions, he’ll get me to out myself with bad logic. He’s right, of course.)

“Because it’s my worth!” I practically yelled.

See? There it is. The root lie that’s still there in my mind. And, really, how can you blame me when this stupid world we live in tells us this same thing EVERY DAY?

Look at what happened to Carrie Fisher! Look at what people said to Kelly Clarkson after she put on weight! Look at what people said to Pink when she was photographed at a NORMAL size with her daughter! (If you don’t follow pop culture, just take my word for it that a few celebrities gained weight and got blasted by people in the press or media.)

It’s SICK and WRONG! Women have bodies! We gain weight and lose it. We are going to have hips, curves and fat cells…and that’s HEALTHY! And OKAY!

I’m really upset now. This is so stupid. In what world does our body shape determine our value? (Ours, of course, but rhetorically speaking.) Is it my workout routine that’s going to love my family? Is it my ability to skip meals that’s going to make me a more patient, kind person? Is it my ability to look skinny in selfies that’s going to change the world? NO!

As much as I’d like to change the world with blog, I won’t. I doubt I’ll change anyone’s mind unless just for a moment. And that’s fine. Honestly, I just needed to say all of this to remind myself of the truth. The truth that God created me to be more than just a body. He gave me a mind, personality, heart and soul and planned out a way for me to use them all for GOOD in this world. And only a VERY SMALL portion of that—the part that involves self-discipline—has to do with sit-ups and diets.

I am more than my body. My body doesn’t get to tell me what I’m worth. YOU, world, don’t get to tell me what I’m worth.

Jesus does that. And He says I’m awesome. (In so many words, of course, but you get the gist.) And because He’s the source of absolute TRUTH, that’s what I’m going to rely on.

But, just in case I forget, will you remind me? J

Love y’all.

- Jill

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