Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Spit Wads and Pit Bulls

Don't you just love Disney movies? :) I totally have a random playlist going on my iPod dock right now, and it's playing "Beauty and the Beast." Ah, I miss Angela Landsbury. Is she even still alive?

Okay, today is NOT about the amazingness of fall. It's about spiritual matters. The running has been simply amazing lately, of course, and I feel very ready for the half marathon coming up. Bring it on! :) But I want to write about what it means to really believe God.

It's funny. I had the BEST, most refreshing weekend. It was just absolutely blissful! The perfect mixture of activity and rest. The perfect run on Saturday. The perfect amount of quality sleep. I could NOT have entered Monday feeling any better physically or mentally.

Then, Monday night, in an odd turn of events, I had an anxiety attack. Where on earth did that come from? I freaked out about the upcoming schedule work-wise and personally. Just SO much going on. Deadlines, specifically, and how on earth everything was going to come together. (To be honest, I still don't know how it's all going to happen.) But there's just a TON on the old plate right now. And I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of a gun with it all, just waiting for it to go off.

What's weird is that I planned out my week on Sunday like I normally do. I sat down with old Franklin Covey and examined the week ahead and thought everything was going to fall into place. But then I started looking at the week AFTER. Um, that one is a little more chaotic. And that's when I started to freak out.

What is that? First off, I have, like, 10 days before any of it starts! Second, isn't this a blessing to be able to realize it now so that I can do as much damage control beforehand as I can? Nope. I just freak out and start trying to fix everything immediately. "What can I get done now?? What do I need to cut out?? Where am I going to find the time?? Nothing fits!! I'm going to die and be so stressed out!" Um, yes, I even get stressed out about getting stressed out. Is there a support group for that?

Anyway, Monday night, oddly enough, I slept just fine. Anxiety and all, I was out like a light. But last night was a totally different story. I honestly didn't feel that anxious at all, but I could NOT fall asleep. And with my history of insomnia, that just totally sent me into a horrible state of mind. I've spent the better part of the day dreading tonight and whether or not I'll have to lay there awake again listening to the fan.

It's not like I just LET this happen. I quoted every Scripture I could think of last night, out loud, whether it applied or not. I just wanted the Word of God to go forward and do it's thing. But nothing seemed to help.

Talked to my sister tonight, and we had an interesting conversation about it. Yeah, I had spoken the Word of God, but did I believe it? Was I just saying it and then trying to figure out the situation on my own? Truthfully, I think I was just shooting spit wads at a pit bull. But it wasn't God's fault. He had given me TRUTH to BELIEVE, and I was just being that "clanging cymbal" referenced in Scripture.

When it comes to the Word of God, we can't forget that it is TRUTH. It's not just words on a page. It's not just for kicks and giggles or to make us feel warm and fuzzy. It's actual, honest, powerful TRUTH. The Lord wants me to rest! He created rest! He knows that I function better when I'm well-slept. He said in Psalms that we could "lie down and sleep in peace" because He made us dwell in safety. That's not a joke or a fun quote. It's TRUTH. That's the part where we come in. We get to believe it! :)

God gave us that spiritual truth as a weapon. But I sometimes treat His double-edged sword like a rubber knife. Tonight, I am praying with a different mindset. The enemy is a guaranteed loser. I need only believe it. And then lie down and sleep in peace. :) Ah...Tempting. I'm already looking forward to it. :)

Ciao, friends! Believe God! :)

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