I'm sitting here after closing a long blog post I'd almost finished yesterday. I was blogging about how amazing marriage is and how fantastic my Mighty Man is and how he's (to pull from a movie line) "everything I never knew I always wanted" when I got a call from him.
MM: "Hey, babe. How's it going?"
Me: "Good! How are you?"
"Oh, not too bad. I wanted to just give you a quick call before my phone died. It's almost out of battery."
"Oh, cool. So, are you all set for tonight?"
"Yeah. You're still coming, aren't you?"
"Of course! I'll be there with bells and whistles and cookies!"
"Well, how far away are you?"
"Uh, from what?"
"Well, have you left yet?"
"No, it's doesn't start until 7:00 right?"
"No, babe. It starts at 6:00."
(I look at the clock, which reads 5:46 p.m.)
"WHAT?? No!! I haven't even showered yet!"
haha! Oh, man. Isn't that ironic? I was blogging about how amazing he is and how he has to put up with so much crap from me and how patient and understanding he is and how I'm trying to learn how to die to myself and live with someone else's interests in mind when I go and do this. I felt SO bad. I felt like I was letting down the man who had rescued me in so many ways over the past two weeks, and I just hated that feeling.
So, I stopped where I was in the blog, ran upstairs, threw on some deodorant, grabbed my monster cookies and headed out the door. About halfway out of the driveway I remembered that the school where MM teaches doesn't allow women to wear pants. Stop the car. Run back in. Put on a skirt. Speed into town.
I called my Momsy on the way in and almost cried. MM has been such an amazing blessing to me and I hate not being perfect for him. Events are a big deal for him in terms of showing love, and I hate it when I mess that up. Especially when he's the one in charge of the class and they're having a party that needs good cookies. :)
Momsy was encouraging and wise, though. This is just life. Things like this happen. It was an honest mistake and it was bound to happen at times. She said to just hug MM, tell him I was sorry and that I loved him and that he would forgive me.
You know what? She was right. MM was just glad to see me when I came in and joined the party, and we all wound up having a good time anyway. Plus, I was only 20 minutes late when I thought I would be at least 30. :) Yay! :) But it was a great time, and I got to meet all the wonderful people in MM's class "The Year" at Kansas City College and Bible School. :) There are some awesome men and women of God in that class, and I could tell that the Lord was really working and moving in their lives and encouraging them to seek Him and understand Him more. That was awesome, and it really inspired me.
It's been a long time since I actually took on a spiritual challenge and chose to seek the Lord by growing in wisdom. There have been so many major life events taking place that I had been doing everything I could just to stay sane and put one foot in front of the other. Wedding, moving, honeymoon, work, and oh yeah, eating disorder treatment. It was all just a bit overwhelming. And I'm just grateful that the Lord carried me through what was an incredibly challenging summer.
Now, however, I feel like there's a new season. God is calling me to renew my focus on Him in an academic way and to pursue Him intellectually again. This summer was very relational in my spiritual growth, and I learned so much about intimacy with Jesus. Now I want to KNOW Him more. I want to know more about Him and about what I'm called to do next now that I've come through so many changes. Lord, what is it that You would have me do?
I don't believe that it's any coincidence that I found out yesterday that my main source of freelance income would no longer be available. There's no such thing as coincidence anyway, so I know this is a matter of God's timing. It's a totally and completely fresh new season. I'm a Mrs. I've moved locations. I've taken on the responsibility of caring for a home and a husband. And I've got a fresh slate regarding work. Honestly, I would normally be freaking out about money, but I'm just kind of excited today because I feel God's hand and His renewal. I feel ready for something new. I feel capable for the first time in a long time. There's a new strength inside me that I'm enjoying, and I'm curious to see how God will use it. Provided I'm willing to accept the challenge and embrace it. Lord, give me courage to follow You.
Today is a new day. Life is a new life. This morning I got to get up, go for a run, make pancakes for my hubby and send him off to work after some great quality time together. Good cup of coffee, great sermon podcast from Pastor Joel (don't care what you think about him), and some time alone on the pavement just listening to Jesus. It's a brand new world. And I think I'm ready for it. Please pray for me as I head out to discover what the Lord has in store.
Okay, regarding marriage, the wedding and the honeymoon--it ROCKED!! :) :) The wedding day was an absolute dream! And I don't care what anyone says, I loved it and was able to savor each moment. I remember the details of the day and couldn't have asked for a better experience from start to finish. I remember my Momsy and sister helping me into the wedding dress. I remember how beautiful my bridesmaids looked. I remember standing with my PPB before walking into the sanctuary and seeing my nephew begrudgingly agree to carry the ring pillow down the aisle. (That was the CUTEST thing. haha! This little 2-year-old threw his fist down and stomped his feet: "I don't wanna! -pause- -sigh- Oh, all RIGHT!) PPB and I laughed so hard! :)
I remember PPB stepping on my dress as he was giving me away and my not being able to move forward to join MM. :) I remember the music, the message, the rings, the prayer, the smiles, the hugs. I remember the cold of the day and my nose turning red during pictures afterward. I remember dancing with my MM. I remember two-stepping with my PPB in a total dream come true. I remember my sister being beside me (and helping me in the potty--haha!). I remember dancing with the Commander in Chief and watching him dance with his bride to "Moonlight Serenade." I remember my cute nieces in their matching dresses and how much fun little LJ had making noise with her boots. I remember crying so hard when my Momsy gave me the locket containing my late father's picture in it and wishing that he'd been there to see me on that day. I remember my wedding coordinator (the QUEEN of burlap and lace) walking me through every moment and not letting me pass out. :) I also remember standing with my bridesmaid EE just before walking in and really thinking I WOULD pass out. :) I remember MM's gaze as I walked down the aisle. I remember hearing the world's most amazing guitar player pick out "Over the Rainbow" and "How Great Thou Art." I remember wishing to heaven that my final Goddess was with us that night as we danced. I remember my very pregnant friend and former co-worker smiling and winking at me as I passed her on the way up the aisle knowing how many conversations we'd had about heartache and boys before I met MM. I remember thinking I had the greatest family (old and new) in the world. I remember the drive home to KC with my new husband and us struggling to stay awake on the dark interstate. I remember walking into our house to a broken furnace and thanking God that I'd married a man who knew HVAC. :) I remember huddling with him over a vent that evening in order to get warm while the house warmed up. And I remember facing my biggest fear of sleeping in the same room with someone and waking up before I even knew my head had hit the pillow. :)
I remember it all. :) Thank God. :)
To those of you who are wondering, marriage has been amazing. I was always kind of a loner and enjoyed being by myself, but I've found that MM is different. I want to be around him. I miss him when he's not here. I love evenings when we get to sit together and watch Andy Griffith to unwind. I love handling conflict with him and learning how to give and take (that's going to be a lifelong lesson). I loved spending eight days with him in paradise without cell phones or distractions and getting to spend long days talking, playing and learning about each other. I love his humor, his strength, his integrity, his heart, his wisdom, his leadership, his guidance, his brilliant mind. I love him! And I thank God that I'm now Mrs. MM. :) I am happier now than I have been in--maybe forever. I know it won't be easy, but I'm confident that it will only get better with time. And on our 50th wedding anniversary we will have another party like this one to celebrate all the years of the Lord's faithfulness and love. (Though, I'm thinking not as elaborate...Weddings are crazy stressful. haha!)
Because I'm a typical bride, I'm a little slow on the thank-you cards. I want to find a way to make them unique and personal (and cheap), so I need to do a little creative work. But please know that MM and I thank everyone who attended or sent gifts. We are so grateful to be surrounded by such love and friendship, and we will get the formal thanks to you soon. In the meantime, please know that we are and were blessed by your generosity, and more than that, your support and love.
So, now that we're all hitched up, we're working on real life. And so far, it's amazing. :) And with the fresh new start, I don't think it could be more clearly God's timing. Please pray for us as we get started. Please pray for me as I seek the Lord and ask for His favor regarding work. And pray that both MM and I could focus on Jesus and truly love and serve Him as we love and serve each other.
Love and hugs to you all! :)
- Jilly (get it?) :)