Shedding Light

I have a feeling that Tuesday nights and Wednesday mornings are always going to be a bit of a struggle. As much as I look forward to the morning runs, I look forward in equal dread of the Wednesday elliptical machine workout. It has nothing to do with the physical action itself--I'm glad to give my knees and body the rest they deserve. It's the sheer boredom factor.

In the past workouts, God has helped me focus by meditating on Scripture. Today, He gave me quality time with the new issue of Runner's World. YES!!!!!!! :) I was wondering when I'd get a chance to sit down and read it. Well, there's a magazine stand on that workout machine for a reason. I'm sure it hurt my focus on the workout, but really, let's be honest. These days aren't about getting fitter. They're about getting moving in a restful way. So, I feel completely okay with the fact that I got to read up on Ryan and Sara Hall's recipe for Cytomax pancakes. haha! :)

I had an interesting conversation with my friend Ashley yesterday. I have told you all that a TON of people are questioning my weight and if there's something wrong with me in the head about it. Well, if you read the blog yesterday, you will know that I'm FULLY aware that I'm too thin, and I'm eating more to try and regain some of the healthy weight. It's not going to happen overnight, but it will balance out. I fully believe the Lord is at work and giving me great wisdom and counsel about it. I'm (again) enjoying the larger bowl of oatmeal as we speak.

But here was the question that came up in the conversation. With the amount of gossip that's gone on about me in the last few months, wouldn't it just be easier for me to e-mail blast everyone and say, "Hey, look. I recognize a problem. I'm dealing with it. You can all stop talking now." Why are we so afraid of doing that? It seems like such a simple solution.

What if we did that with all of our sins? Isn't that what God tells us to do when He says we should confess our sins to one another so that we may be healed. (That's in James 5.) Why are we so afraid of revealing our shortcomings? Are we afraid of others judging us? Don't they have issues of their own? Why do we have to be so perfect?

Listen, we ALL have our issues. We are all sinners bathing in the blood and water at the foot of the cross. What is the big deal about being open in our struggles? The light is where sin goes to die. In darkness and privacy it breeds and grows. Let's just be real! We all struggle. We all sin. We all need Jesus desperately.

I'm screwed up, and I'm seeing a HIGH Counselor about it. ;) What about you? :)

-Jill