Thursday, April 1, 2010

Day 91...

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6

I don't even know how to start this blog this morning. There's a lot to tell, not much time to tell it, and to be honest, I'm not sure I even understand it all yet.

First, I have a confession. . . Yesterday morning when I woke up, I really think I should have gone to the elliptical. It was the first direction in my head when I woke up. But it was so warm outside that I rationalized and rationalized that it was just my voice of fear. Maybe it was. I still don't know for sure. (By my voice of fear, I mean that voice inside me that tells me God is a mean bully in the sky trying to take away everything I want to do, like run. It's weird, I know. And NOT rational or true.)

Anyway, I prayed for a while and took the chance that it was the voice of fear and not the Holy Spirit. The run was fine, as you read yesterday, but all day I wrestled with whether or not I had disobeyed God. And, if I had, did my disobedience carry big consequences. If God knows the best way, then maybe He knew I should cross-train to avoid injury. What if I'd run when I shouldn't have and screwed up my ligament even more? What if my choice caused irreperable damage that God had been trying to save me from?

I asked my sister what she thought, and she calmed me down a little. My heart hadn't been to willfully disobey Him in my decision. I honestly didn't know, so I made a choice. She said that He was a wise enough God to know when I would be confused, and that I should just tell Him that. Tell Him my honest feelings.

(I do have a point...Bear with me.)

Well, last night, I was praying and I kept asking Him to help me get to the bottom of what I was feeling. Why was I so worried that I'd messed up? Why did I fear the consquences? With that, I was having trouble facing Him anyway because I was scared to talk to Him because I felt like a prodigal. A little like a dog with my tail between its legs.

In times like these, it really helps me to journal. God's Spirit usually helps me sort things out as I write them down. And it's a great way for me to pray when I'm feeling that way. I just write it out and God meets me there on paper.

Well, as I was journaling, I just started saying NO to the negative thoughts and lies and fears. "I don't believe that. I believe ____. I believe ___." Whatever it was. I don't even remember, but it was one of the first times that I just started calling out the lies of fears and anxiety from the enemy. And as I wrote, I felt so much peace and strength. Truth was returning to me! Hallelujah!! :) I wrote Scripture and specific verses came to my mind that helped me see God's truth. One of them was Philippians 1:6. I just wrote on paper, "I believe that He who began a good work in me will see it through to completion." I didn't know it was Philippians 1:6, I just remembered the verse. That was the Holy Spirit.

I went to bed full of more peace than I'd felt in a VERY long time. Thank You, Lord.

This morning when I got up to do my pre-run quiet time, I openend my book and dove in. Every day it takes you through one specific verse and has you meditate on it. Today's verse was Philippians 1:6. :) I had no idea what it was until I looked it up. When I read it, I just laughed such tears of joy. :) God is faithful.

Friends, I confess that I sometimes forget that this venture is HIS. It's not mine. It's not ours. It's His. He's the one who will see this through to completion. He's the one who will get the glory. He's the one who will use our funds to bring Christ to our troops. We are just His messengers. As Jesus said in John 13:16, " servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him."

This isn't about me. I'm just the messenger. The One who sent me is greater. And HE will see it through...for HIS glory.

OH! And the run today was AMAZING!!! :) :) :) 12-mile tempo run at a 7:29 pace even with 20-mph winds in my face for 6 of them. Hallelujah! :) :) Great temperature and great day!! :) Only 5 more double-digit runs until the marathon! :)

Prayer Requests:
-For healing on my right foot, and for healing on my right hamstring, which got a little twingy toward the end of the run today. Pray that doesn't develop into anything.
-For our troops, who are the recipients of our message! :)
-For Military Ministry, who are fellow message-bearers!
-For recovery from today's run.
-For us all to have a blessed and amazing Easter and remember what Jesus did on the cross for us all! :)
-For the recovery run tomorrow.

Love you all!

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