Saturday, February 20, 2010

Day 51...

I am so thankful for Brenda's amazing prayer on the blog comments yesterday. What a timely message! B, thank you so much. You are just the most wonderful sister/battle buddy/friend/co-laborer. May the Lord bless YOU exceedingly abundantly today.

That book I mentioned earlier in the week could NOT be more timely, as I'm finding so many hidden fears surfacing in my heart.

As a Christian, we are not supposed to fear. There are countless Scripture verses commanding us to not be afraid and to trust God. But I fear. I fear a lot.

This morning as I was spending an extended, unhurried time with the Lord in my day off of running, I just wept before Him. A lot of it stemmed from yesterday's experience. After the run yesterday morning, which I THOUGHT went okay, I had KILLER pain in my left knee all day and was barely able to walk. (*sigh*) It's at the point where it's just ridiculous.

Anyway, I just cried with the Lord and poured out all the things I fear with this whole thing. More than anything I fear letting everyone down (our troops, Military Ministry, you all, my friends and family...). So much is invested in this, that if it were to all fall apart, it wouldn't just be about me. Then, there's also the fear of going through major injury rehab again. Again, if you know my story, you know what happened last year and how difficult it was to walk through a season of dashed expectations and hours of cross training. I fear doing the 20-miler tomorrow. I fear NOT doing the 20-miler tomorrow. I fear that I'll have to cut back my training and lose fitness. I fear not even being able to make it to the starting line in Boston, let alone the finish. I fear. I fear. I fear.

This is NOT okay. Fear is from the enemy. Straight up. This is a critical time in which I must really press in to God's Word and choose to believe that it's the TRUTH. Romans 8:28, Psalm 23:1, Philippians 4, James 5:15-16 even. And tons more. Does God REALLY work for the good of those who love Him in ALL things? Right now, as I sit here with physical and emotional pain, is He REALLY going to use this for His good and His glory?


But, do I believe it? Will I walk through THIS day believing that, or will I be anxious and worried and fearful about what is to come and what will happen with this body and the training?

Today is a critical day. Today I must believe. Today I must CHOOSE to believe, trust and rest.

As the honest man says in the book of Mark, "I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!"

Thanks, friends. Please pray as the Spirit leads you today. I love you all!


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